I realized in looking back that I didn’t finish detailing my exploration into how I was still automatically using the word “can’t” in relation to money. Upon realizing this, I did some investigation into what was subconsciously triggering that for me.
I started with reading self-help themed books in relation to money. I re-read books which are all based on the classic, “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill. This was an interesting affirmation of what I believe in other areas in my life and really needed to focus on in relation to money. I’m currently working through the workbook associated with this. I will update my “aha’s” as I complete it. I then read, “Twenty-One Distinctions of Wealth”. I will share my “aha’s” below. Next, a girlfriend and I are going to read through and process together the book,”Overcoming Underearning”. Lastly, I will read a book called “It’s not about the money : unlock your money type to achieve spiritual and financial abundance“. This one attracted me as the author wrote it from the premise of blending his two very different worlds: yogi by morning and stock broker by day. Again, I will share my findings from that book too.
I also took a 3 part workshop in which diads and meditation-group hypnotiziation were used. The workshops would start with a central question and in partners each would ask the other the question. There was to be no dialogue about one’s answer. All the listener did was hear it, acknowledge that they were hearing it and wait for the speaker to note that they had completed their answer. Then the listener answered. By the second and third workshop the facilitator had specific questions for each person to answer, but the diad prcoess of question/answer continued. These question/answer periods lasted about 45 minutes. Interestingly you could really get to the core of your thoughts and feelings when totally focussing on your own “stuff” without any judgement or dialogue from another on it.
I learned through the diad process that I am afraid to have money as I feel I will be taken advantage of. This came out in the second session and totally caught me off guard. In retrospect and in the looking at my past in relation to people of significance having taken money from me, repeatedly, it makes logical sense. However, certainly was not a conscious thought. I’m thankful for this process bringing this from my subconscious into the conscious for me. I’ve since been able to talk this through with people. I really thought that by not having much of anything, I was protecting myself from being hurt. Lots of deep breaths and some tears in relation to limiting myself as a result of past hurts and being so unaware of the unconscious thought patterns that were ruling my life. I’ve very thankful for this realization.
Another “aha” I had for myself was this: I am truly happy with what I have. I feel so blessed with what I do have.
-I have time with my kids. There is no rushing to work for a certain time or to commute every day. Instead I have that time with them before and after school. I can attend their special functions at school. I can be there for them when they are sick or need a mental health day.
-I get to do what I love every day which is help people. I’ve created a company based on my skill sets and the needs I see in society. I’m building a company in which people see the value in what I’m creating. This is truly amazing!
-I live in the most beautiful place: ocean and mountain views pretty much no matter where you are. Skiing and swimming in the same day! More parks than you can imagine. A country feel with city amenities. A place where everybody knows your name. A community where you can feel connected everywhere you go.
-I get to explore my potential every day. While pleasure can disapoint, possibilities do not!
-I have the freedom to think for myself and decide what’s best, not have it dictated to me.
-I have my health and my children’s health.
-I have amazing friends and family!
-What I do have, the riches in my soul, cannot be taken from me, unlike material possessions can.
-I get to explore the pursuit of wealthy but not through being enslaved to anybody or anything.
-I have learned that one can flourish on very litle material wise, when they have everything I’ve just mentioned above!
I look at what I “have” and I am filled with awe. I wouldn’t trade it for any of the financial security I had in my past.
I’m meant to be where I am and I’m thankful every day for the wealth that I do have.
My next entry will be about what else I’ve learned in relation to my specific money blockages. As this is what I’m exploring in depth, I hope you are able to glean something for yourself as well.
Good Night! Good Morning! Thanks for stopping by!
Tonight I am starting on a new journey for myself. This journey culminates everything I’ve been and done up to this point in my life. It encompasses all my new found beliefs. It will be a test of who I am and what I believe.
There are certain moments I can remember as a child where I felt different. Deep moments which I’d stop and really think about certain questions and actually experience such emotion that I would cry. I wondered why we were all on the planet? Why the whole world could not join hands and sing kumbaya? Why anybody would ever abuse another? Why we called some groups cults but not the Catholic church to which I belonged? Why it was ok to judge another to the point of it justifying hateful acts and words? Why people limited others by telling them what they could and could not do? I can remember each of these moments so clearly, where I was, the deep feeling experienced and how I would ask the questions but nobody seemed to have an answer. I chalked it up to being a kid and not really understanding what I was asking or being able to comprehend an adult’s response to my questions. And back to skipping I went!
An event happened to me when I was in high school that really started me on a new journey of understanding. A dear family friend who was younger than me, committed suicide. It was not my first experience with suicide; however, this time it was different. The person left a note that explained why she felt she needed to end her life. For her, it was about the deep pain she felt being alive having had traumatic events happen to her. The emotions she felt that didn’t seem to be able to be explained away in traditional counselling sessions and she tried a lot of different venues and counsellors to help her move through these experiences. When they read the letter, I knew it was my life calling to help people and the difference I wanted to offer was to have alternative ways to help people. I had no idea what that looked like but knew I wanted people to be able to move through what she experienced.
As I grew older, I consistently had that one thing, wanting to help people, in the back of my mind. I wasn’t sure how to define that any more clearly than simply that statement. I realized quickly that the world we live in was full of experiences that could cause people to need help. As well, that two findings were important here: 1) the world needed me and 2) that incidents people experienced I wanted people to see as just that an experience, not who they were, because maybe if my friend was able to do that she would have been able to move past her feelings.
I also started to realize that while I wanted to work with individuals, I also saw groups that needed their mind sets shifted in order to affect mass change. This prominent moment came to me when I was in university taking my social work degree. I was denied certain work placements, such as a teen pregnancy centre, because of my Catholic upbringing. I began to explore why that would be?! In this case, it was specifically because I would automatically assumed to be pro-life. But wow as I explored this question, what I discovered shocked my sheltered little world. People outside of the Catholic world, did not necessarily like Catholics and the things I had heard about “others” were the same things these “others” had heard about Catholics. Hmm…this set me first on a mission of getting to work with a population that I wanted to (teen moms) but it developed into a path that I did not know existed.
I’m going to simplify here to get to the point! I was raised in a Catholic household and was taught to believe certain things, like abortion should not be a choice. And that there were “others”, being those that were not Catholic, who were wrong in their beliefs because of course, the Catholic way was right and the only way. In university, this was tested in so many ways. My final thesis was how could the pro-life side and the pro-choice side find a common ground. What I learned in researching for this was that common ground can always be found, what needed to be removed was the “right” versus “wrong”, the “us” versus “them” mentality. And that the heart of the matter (so in this case the person with the pregnancy and the choice she needed to make) needed to be focussed on and through that grounded focussed solutions would arise. And in these cases it was in the moment that a decision needed to be made by the woman, regardless of her past and her future. Wow, what a learning for me to truly have to be in the moment while working through past choices that had brought the person to this point in time and realizing that the future could not be predicted. All that while balancing the emotions that come into play with a pregnancy!
After doing social work and realizing I couldn’t take everyone home and fix them :) I turned to teaching where I could get enough face time and get to know students in so many different faucets that I really could affect change. “At-risk” youth became my passion and I was blessed to work with that population my whole traditional teaching career. Those experiences also contributed to where I am today: I learned that while education is important, life skills (see the life skills wheel) trump everything else.
Fast forward to today…I run a life skills based training company called Amber Scotchburn Training Consultants (ASTC) which is multifaceted. Presently, it offers tutoring and life coaching. I’m focussing on the tutoring aspect, wanting to get that biz stream to the point in which I can then begin to focus more on my life coaching. I had started this blog to attest to the fact that life skills exercises do help and was doing them and blogging about them to prove that and to be authentic. The blogging has taken a back seat while I focussed on the tutoring services of ASTC. However, I am still actively doing life skills exercising and researching life skills therapeutic options. This particular life skill activity I am doing will involve quite a mind shift for me. I’m going to reach for something that I’ve thought was impossible for me.
I’m going for hypnotherapy to obtain the body that I want: size 7, have toned muscles, be flexible in my range of motion and maintain my existing energy level. I had always felt “fat” even at size 6 working out at 3 gyms. I’ve done the Eating Right, I’ve done cleanses galore, I’ve worked out like a maniac…I actually always saw myself as the size 14 that I became. Scary”ish” :) So, actually being a size 14 and not being able to drop any of the weight with so much exercise and cleansing, was tell-tale that its me that we really are what we think about ourselves. I believe I need to go deeper, to a cellular level.
I am doing this for reasons beyond myself as well. I was approached to partner with someone to do my life coaching. I had put my life coaching aside to focus on growing the tutoring end of my biz as I mentioned above. This partnership combined with this therapy, will allow me to accomplish my dreams! It’s so, so, so exciting and nerve-racking :) Plus, it really is a test for myself because if I don’t put myself into what I believe others should do to shift their mind sets then what good am I as a life coach?! Plus, stopping to think about this therapy and what it can do, is amazingly awesome!!! I’ve been researching cellular release for over a year. It has cured serious diseases, addictions, and traumatic events people have experienced. CURED them.
Good Night! Good Morning! Thanks for stopping by!
ps=Tonight I’m changing IMPOSSIBLE into “I’M POSSIBLE”!
As some of you might know, it is my birth MONTH! Yes not it was my “birthday”, it is my birth MONTH! I mean really why not celebrate as much as you can! It is my part of my most recent vision boards to celebrate more. I find in our pace of life, we sometimes forget to appreciate where we’ve been and where we are. This year I’ve made a committment to myself to do that and I certainly did that this month. And let me tell you, it was fantastical! I feel such an awesome energy and sense of being! Thank you to everybody who contributed to this!
I received this card for my birthday and must share it…ENJOY :)
We didn’t come here to fit in.
We came here to be who we are.
We didn’t come here to work.
We came here to live our dreams.
We didn’t come here for the stuff.
We came here to love each other.
We didn’t come here by accident.
We each came here with a purpose that is uniquely our own.
This sums up my thoughts on life very succinctly.
Enjoy my beautiful birth month!
Wow, does that actually use the word can’t. It does!
If you have taken Learn to Fly or spent any length of time with my children and I, you would know that “can’t” is not an acceptable word in my world. I believe that you can do anything you put your mind, body, and soul into. You can also chose not to do something. In either case, the person is taking responsibility for deciding whether to do something or not.
My experience is that using the self-limiting words, such as can’t, never, should and always leads one to self-limiting thoughts, actions, habits, etc. This quote sums it up quite nicely for me:
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
However in this case, the quote used in the title uses the word “can’t” to illustrate the same point I am!
On my vision boards, both personal and biz, there are areas related to money. In every area of my three boards, I was very clear on the affirmation, the aha moment or the goal related to that particular area. However, for the visualizations/words that represented the areas of finance, I was drawing a blank.
In the Learn to Fly course, I have a blank artist canvas that I use to illustrate a point. The canvas has the foam word “believe” in front of it. This is to symbolize that sometimes we are not going to know the path we have to take or have the answer immediately to a question or problem we need solved; but that we need to have faith that the universe, simply because we have acknowledged it and stated that we were looking for some guidance in that area, will help in figuring out a solution. I like to sum it up like we are co-starring with the universe in the movie of our lives and you have to trust your co-star! So I was doing my best to be patient ;)
I still up to just the other day, had not written out an affirmation, had a aha moment to speak of or wrote a goal for the money pictures. However knew they are important to me, so ensured that I would spend a moment or two each day, focussing on the visualizations that represented them on my boards.
In my Learn to Fly workshops, I ask people to focus on where in their lives they catch themselves using the words can’t, should, never, & always. And guess what? I made an interesting discovery for myself. Ever since I can remember I’ve had the conversation with my children about using the word can’t. We don’t use it, I prefer the children to say that they are choosing not to do whatever it is, as opposed to saying they can’t do it. But I realized that I was using the word can’t in relation to money, constantly. “We can’t afford to do that.” “We can’t spend that kind of money.” And not only was I using it, my “use of the word can’t” radar didn’t even go off. This was not good.
So, that meant that I had to start to delve a little deeper into what was blocking my conscience from realizing that I was using the word “can’t” in relation to money and what was lodged into my sub-conscious to have me automatically respond with the word “can’t” only in relation to money. Hmm…
True to Amber-fashion, I was not going to leave any stone unturned! This lead me on an interesting path of hypnotherapy, number crunching, marketing planning and of course, life skills exercises, all centered around money.
Stay tuned for what I discovered :)
Good night! Good morning! Thanks for stopping by!
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, as well as in doing research for my new couples vision board workshop: Learn to Burn, I attended a seminar entitled The Brain in Love. It was extremely interesting as it explained love from a chemical perspective.
There are a lot of chemicals racing around your brain and body when you’re in love. Researchers are gradually learning more and more about the roles they play both when we are falling in love and when we’re in long-term relationships.
That initial giddiness that comes when we’re first falling in love includes a racing heart, flushed skin and sweaty palms. Researchers say this is due to the dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine we’re releasing. Dopamine is thought to be the “pleasure chemical,” producing a feeling of bliss. Norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement. Together these two chemicals produce elation, intense energy, sleeplessness, craving, loss of appetite and focused attention. “The human body releases the cocktail of love rapture only when certain conditions are met and … men more readily produce it than women, because of their more visual nature.” Making love at first sight a real possibility! Due to this chemical activity, couples in this stage of love focus intently on the relationship and often on little else. They are actually biological drive to focus on one person and have states of euphoria, craving and addiction.
People in love also have lower levels of serotonin and the neural circuits associated with the way we assess others are suppressed. These lower serotonin levels are the same as those found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders, possibly explaining why those in love “obsess” about their partner.
In romantic love, when two people have sex, oxytocin is released, which helps bond the relationship. The hormone oxytocin has been shown to be “associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and healthy psychological boundaries with other people.” When it is released during orgasm, it begins creating an emotional bond — the more sex, the greater the bond. Oxytocin is also associated with mother/infant bonding, uterine contractions during labor in childbirth and the “let down” reflex necessary for breastfeeding.
Vasopressin, an antidiuretic hormone, is another chemical that has been associated with the formation of long-term, monogamous relationships. Oxytocin and vasopressin interfere with the dopamine and norepinephrine pathways, which might explain why passionate love fades as attachment grows.
Endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, also play a key role in long-term relationships. They produce a general sense of well-being, including feeling soothed, peaceful and secure. Like dopamine and norepinephrine, endorphins are released during sex; they are also released during physical contact, exercise and other activities. Endorphins induce a “drug-like dependency.”
What about when that euphoric feeling is gone? The speed at which courtship progresses often determines the ultimate success of the relationship. What they found was that the longer the courtship, the stronger the long-term relationship.
The feelings of passionate love, however, do lose their strength over time. Studies have shown that passionate love fades quickly and is nearly gone after two or three years. The chemicals responsible for “that lovin’ feeling” (adrenaline, dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine, etc.) dwindle. Suddenly your lover has faults. Why has he or she changed, you may wonder. Actually, your partner probably hasn’t changed at all; it’s just that you’re now able to see him or her rationally, rather than through the blinding hormones of infatuation and passionate love. At this stage, the relationship is either strong enough to endure, or the relationship ends.
If the relationship can advance, then other chemicals kick in. Endorphins, for example, are still providing a sense of well-being and security. Additionally, oxytocin is still released when you’re having sex, producing feelings of satisfaction and attachment. Vasopressin also continues to play a role in attachment.
The conclusion: If you’ve ever been in love, you’ve probably at least considered classifying the feeling as an addiction. And guess what?! You were right! As it turns out, scientists are discovering that the same chemical process that takes place with addiction takes place when we fall in love.
Good Morning! Good Night! Thanks for stopping by!
A visualization board is a simple yet powerful tool that activates the universal law of attraction to begin manifesting your dreams into reality. The law of attraction states that we attract into our lives anything that we give attention.
Vision boards serve the role of programming your brain to tune into the positive intentions. This selective attention filter makes you aware of daily things that can help you achieve your goal and it’s your job to take action on those opportunities when they present themselves.
As the vision board is more about the process of what to put on your board, than simply about cutting out pictures from magazines and sticking them to a a board, we have designed courses, Learn to Fly & Learn to Burn, to help one facilitate the best vision board possible for them.
Learn To Fly
Learn to Fly was a workshop series designed to aid one in focussing on their live goals and working through times of transition.
This can be personal life goals or business goals. Areas to focus on might be: mind, body, spirit, relationships, family, finances, habits, patterns.
Times of transition might be parenthood, career direction, relationship status, health changes, a death, and the list goes on.
There is the classroom version and the dates are: February 8, 15, 22 from 7:00-8:30pm OR February 8, 15, 22 from 11:00-12:30pm.
Learn To Burn
Learn to Burn is a workshop series designed to aid a couple in focussing on strengthening their relationship as a unit. The couple examines they key ingredients to a relationship and designs a vision board that will keep the love burning between the couple!
There is the classroom version and the dates are: February 18th, 2011 from 7:00-10:00pm OR February 21st, 2011 from 7:00-10:00pm
Options: Classroom or Online
I’m just introducing the online option. Please let me know if it interests you. I will be starting the online process as of February 7th! Participants receive emails with their homework worksheets every week. I committ to being on skype and facebook chat at a certain time every week. I will also answer personal emails and questions posted on the facebook Learn to Fly/Burn group page. This page is set up as people can then connect as they go through the process. Connection is an integral part of the process!
Thank you for your interest!
ps=This process works. I have started writing my story out in terms of the transitions I have went through in the last couple of years, starting with leaving a 10 year unhealthy relationship. I know that this process helped me see a light at the end of a tunnel! And so this year when I did the process again already having seen the light and felt the effects, it was a completely different experience! And I want everybody to experience it for themselves, their kids, their biz, their relationships!!!!!!!!
“God’s great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage.”January 24, 2011 at 11:52 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
Mark Twain once said: “God’s great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage.” Considering the difficulty of living with another person day after day forever and the incredibly high divorce rate, the humor of the quote begins to fade.
Welcome to my posting where I’ve researched and synthesized a great deal of information as to what makes a lasting, committed, loving relationship work and what the common pitfalls are to it not working.
I began my research on this topic about 1.5 years ago when I had clients that were looking to find “Mr./Ms. Right”, as opposed to “Mr./Ms. Right Now!”. I did a blog posting on some of my findings, please refer back to the posting entitled: “My friend used to ask her mother, ‘How can I find the right man for me?’ and she would answer, ‘Don’t worry about finding the right man- concentrate on becoming the right woman.’” The link for easy access is: https://amberscotchburn.wordpress.com/page/2/ Essentially, I was helping the clients figure out who they were, what their past and current behaviours were projecting about themselves, and what choices this had lead them to in who they had dated. Only when those answers became clear did we concentrate on what they felt they wanted in a partner. It was very important for one to realize who they were as a person before figuring out who they wanted somebody else to be. Then, while focussing on what they wanted in a “Mr. Right” lifelong partner, it was important to ensure the characteristics that they were focussing on would be important in say 10 years. This had the clients reflecting on the initial characteristics they judged when they were only focussing on “Mr. Right Now”. That vision of their future was able to help guide them into making a list of attributes that they were looking for which was often quite different than what their initial list of traits they thought were important in a partner.
Low and behold, I found myself thinking about dating so now the research was coming in handy for me! I discovered through a similar process to what I had my clients do that I actually wasn’t ready to find “Mr. Right” and that I had to work on myself in relation to becoming really clear on who I was and what I wanted. And after twenty years of relationships and not dating, that I wanted some time to have fun with some “Mr. Right Now’s” Surprise, surprise, I blogged about it! It was in the posting entitled: “In truth, reality only exists right now—it’s as close and accessible as our breath—and this awareness heals suffering caused by past regrets or future fears.” Here is the link for easy access: https://amberscotchburn.wordpress.com/2010/09/17/in-truth-reality-only-exists-right-now—its-as-close-and-accessible-as-our-breath—and-this-awareness-heals-suffering-caused-by-past-regrets-or-future-fears/ (For some reason this link leads you to my facebook page, so you will have to cut and paste it into the address bar as opposed to just clicking on it.)
I put the intent to date and have fun on my spring vision board and that I did! Please see the posting entitled: “This place where you are right now, God circled on a map for you.” Here is the link for easy access: https://amberscotchburn.wordpress.com/2011/01/18/519/. Essentially this posting speaks about my journey as I dated knowing that my intent was to when I was ready have the quest change to finding my “Mr. Right”!Which if you haven’t read it or don’t know, I have!
What is important to note is that the dating process and the quest for who you are as a person is an important piece to a relationship working. This doesn’t mean that people that are already in relationships need to get out of them to find their match and be truly committed. However, what it does mean is that some work on yourself as an individual person may come into play. As well as your partner for them self. And, that if there are some re-occurring issues that arise that perhaps they can be traced back to behaviours, choices and expectations that were made as one went through their dating stage and their courtship process.
Why this intense amount of research? I am putting together a Couple’s Vision Board workshop. I wanted to gather an educated basis for what areas a couple could choose to focus on in the life skills exercises that they would do that would strengthen their relationship. As well, on a personal note, being in a new”ish” relationship that I am committed to with my mind, body and spirit, I want to begin to pave a path for our future to perhaps take some of the bumps and wrong turns out of it ;) Wish me luck! Oh wait, I don’t believe in luck, darn it, I have to be accountable and responsible for my actions, reactions and choices in this area!
Just in case this was not a known fact, great relationships are not born, they are created! Let’s stop and think of love like a magnificent bonfire. Bonfires are not born, they are created. To start, they need the right mix of ingredients to ignite and then a process to keep burning. If you ask people what those ingredients are and what the process is, there could be quite a few different answers. The key here being not right or wrong answers, just different answers. In acknowledging and understanding that, there are still very specific things that fire does need to ignite (fuel, an oxidizer, heat, and an ignition source) and keep burning (fuel, oxygen and heat). My research proved that love is like this, there are certain ingredients that need to be present and a process that needs to occur. On the flip side, a bonfire might go out if you remove certain ingredients (fuel, oxygen or heat), just as in a relationship if the key ingredients are removed, the love might go out. For a bonfire to stay continuously burning, it needs to be fed constantly, as does love. As a bonfire needs to have oxygen, love needs to have some breathing room as well. Hope that analogy worked for you! Below you will find what I’ve gathered is the process and the ingredients for a great relationship to stay burning!
Keep in mind that sometimes the fire does go out or change shape, but it’s the commitment to rebuild it or manage the shape of it that can get it sustain it or keep it going again. This might be because a key ingredient is missing purposefully or because a factor out of everybody’s control, like rain, came along and put it out. This is the same in a relationship so it’s important to gauge your commitment level to re-build if an ingredient changes. Two people involved in a committed relationship have to choose that commitment level again and again as they evolve. But there is nothing to fear from this kind of choice and change. Renewing one’s commitment to one another through times of change will revitalize it. A committed relationship can be the most beautiful friendship imaginable, embracing two human beings in their totality (i.e. in mind, body, and spirit) a friendship that expands and deepens through time. Isn’t that much nicer than the quote at the beginning :)
This is what I’m hoping my man envisions when he thinks of me and our relationship :) Really, I just thought it was too cool to not include!
So what is this process and what are these ingredients?! Stay tuned for the next blog posting!
Good Morning! Good Night! Thanks for stopping by!
“One regret, dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did not kiss you enough.”January 20, 2011 at 4:16 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
BIZ VISION BOARD
This board is dedicated to my business. (And yes I’m still working on a family one and a couple one. I don’t believe in wall paper at my house, we just use vision boards!)
I have two business streams: life coaching/workshops and tutoring. This particular section is related to my life coaching/workshops. Enjoy!
As you read this section, you will notice I keep using the word help. And as a teacher and person who wants her blog to be read, you would think I would have changed it up. But really my whole life when people have asked me what I want to do, I’ve always answered “help”. As I got to the end of this section and realized I wrote help so many times, I thought to myself: “Wow. I’ve finally figured ‘IT’ out and reached what I’ve always wanted to do!!!!” Guess these life skills exericses and mind shifting stuff actually works ;)
Life Coaching ~ Workshops Biz Stream
“Your life’s journey is about becoming more of who you are.”
I am helping people on their journey of becoming who they are, tapping into their areas of passion and helping them move through points where they might be stuck!
I am helping people question thoughts and patterns that could be detrimental to their reaching their life goals. I am helping people eradicate the word “can’t” and “should” from their vocabularies.
I am shifting people’s minds to change the spelling of “mistake” changed to “miss take” so that people live their lives not being fearful of making an error but embracing each moment that the life offers to love, to learn and to be grateful. I love helping people see their lives like a movie that has several takes to get it to to the end product. And that for each take it captures another thing that is perfect in the moment it is taken in.
I help people separate themselves from their “stories”. So that a person is who they are, not defined by who they were or want to be or think they should be. An example that first shifted my mind set was ten years ago when I was at a self-help weekend and I heard a girl get up on stage and say: “My name is Sarah and I was raped.” She stated that fact like she would have stated what she had for dinner. It was a fact that was part of who she was but did not define who she was. It blew me away that she was able to shift her mind to that state. Sometimes people need to sit in something that has happened to them and give themselves permission to experience whatever is coming up for them. I give people that opportunity while guiding them out the other side. A quote comes up for me: “I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.” The transformation in people that have felt the release of a story is mind-blowing. Have I mentioned that I LOVE what I do?!
I help people to see that our lives are made up of a series of choices, each with a price and a benefit, and that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.
I help people be truly grateful for their lives right in the moment they are in. I believe that having a deep gratitude for where you are in in life at any given moment allows the universe to allow more in, as well as yourself to see the range of possibilities that while having a “poor me” mindset may not be that apparent. “One regret, dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did not kiss you enough.”
I teach people what an affirmation is and how it can be used effectively. If you didn’t know, an affirmation is a wish stated as if it is already true. Thinking, saying, or writing affirmations are an easy way to bring positive change into your life. Amazing results in life come when we change our habits. Our habits change when we have a change in attitude. Affirmations are a way we can change our attitudes. Your current beliefs and habits have come about because of repeated thoughts. Many of these thoughts have been self limiting and destructive. The repetition of negative thoughts is discouraging and affects your motivation and confidence. It is hard to feel motivated when you are skeptical that you can get beneficial results. Replacing negative thoughts with affirmations, then, can help you change your attitudes and encourage you to believe in yourself and the opportunities that come your way. As you adopt more positive attitudes and feel encouraged, your actions and habits will shift. When your actions and habits come into alignment with success, then success will come to you quickly. So that is what an affirmation is!
I help shift people to being happy “just because”. In other words, that somebody is no waiting their life for something to happen or a whole list of things to be happy. That in the moment that they are in that they are able to be happy. “Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you.”
And by helping people with the areas outlined above, I am also giving people the means to help themselves through having their own “tool box of life”. This way enabling one to advance their own knowledge and transform their own life! If they need to fix something that isn’t feeling quite right, they could go to their toolbox and see what will help them adjust themselves. Just like one would go to a toolbox and get WD40 to lubricate a squeaky hinge! This might look like meditation for someone, an exercise DVD for another person, a phone card to reach out to someone they love, a journal to record their thoughts, a vision board to glance at, an online group to share with, and the list goes on :)
How do I accomplish all of the above? Through life skills exercises that people access either via workshops, such as the vision boarding ones, and/or through individual life coaching. Please see the workshop section of the blog or of my website.
I am going to focus on transitions. People transiting in any and all aspects of their lives, be it in their family life, their career, a relationship, with thought patterns, body issues, and the list goes on!
Further to add to the value for the client, I am working on gathering a TEAM of professionals that will all be genuine in wanting to help a client progress and shift through their transitional moments. Areas such as relationships, careers, habits, and business that I can propel people forward or help get unstuck will be my areas of expertise. Areas that I am not an expert in, I will defer to a member of the TEAM. Thereby ensuring that as people are transforming they are doing it in a safe manner with supports in place. This would be akin to a one stop shop for personal growth!
I would like this all to take place in what I refer to as a Starting Over House. There was a TV show on years ago that had the same name and the same concept. The questions I’m still mulling over are related to people actually coming to stay or it just being a day workshop type of scenario or day coaching appointment. Hmm…guess it’s time to start getting clear!
TOO AFRAID TO FLY? If you could design your dream what would it be? Move into action.
I motivate and inspire people to want to fly, coach people into designing a dream and aid people to move to action. “Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.”
Get over your fear of change.
Fear of failure, change and one’s limitations are what hold one in place. I work on eradicating those thoughts and feelings in clients.
Step away from the wall.
This has several meanings:
1) People that feel their life is not worth living; I give them something to live for: themselves.
2) People that hit walls/get stuck on their path, I help them to shift through those and even sit in them for awhile if they need to in order to move on.
3) Get people to take a leap to see what possibilities could be beyond what they can see from staying within their walls.
I help people have light shows/fireworks in their own every day existence! Moments where they feel themselves shifting into possibilities and a world full of “I can and I will”!
Yes, You Can!
I would love every person that crosses my path as a client truly be able to feel that they can do anything they put their minds to.
And the right and ability to know that they can change their minds about a path that their are on if it does not feel right to them. And in doing this, what the supports might be that they need.
Sees the possibilities.
That people look through their eyes in a new way, one that doesn’t allow for past limitations or failures or future expectations to tint their present day story.
See You Now
Live. Right. Now.
I would like to help people see the moment that they are in RIGHT NOW and live in it.
I would like to help people find direction and a destination for their life’s journey and after having helped them once, have taught them the necessary skills to have the know how to find their way if the get lost.
You have to file a flight plan before leaving the driveway.
Where are you going in your life? Are you directing the movie that is your life? What is your destination? File your flight plan with me and of course, yourself, and I can guarantee that you will have success. “There is a difference between knowing the path & walking the path.”
Years ago they began a trip they’ll spend a lifetime completing.
Enabling people to see that everything they’ve been through contributes to who they are today but doesn’t define them. That everything they want to be in the future they can. And that in the moment right now that they are in, that is part of the continuum called life. I want people to asses how are they acting, thinking, behaving and being right now? Are these things they want to continue doing? Are their things that they would like to change or shift? I want people to see that all it takes is a first step and they are on their way. Remembering that each step is part of their journey! “Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life.”
Good Morning! Good Night! Thanks for stopping by!
“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.”January 19, 2011 at 5:44 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
Action Orientated Vision Board Items
STEP RIGHT UP. : How great a little risk taking can be.
“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.”
In 2009 and about three months into 2010, I did a ton of self-help reading, counselling, workshops, weekend courses, and alternative therapies to help me through a tough transitional period of my life. What I discovered in the last block of self-help stuff was that really I just needed to add some adult fun into my life. (Mind out of the gutter!)
These words and this quote are just an affirmation of that. I want to ensure that my eyes stay open to the possibilities of exploring new opportunities and taking risks. From my last year’s list there is still snowboarding, surfing and wild play. Anybody in?
Thank you to those friends that have supported me in this fun goal. Again, as proving this vision theory is true, all I had to do state that in 90 days I wanted to do 2 fun things a week and the opportunities presented itself! What do you want to do to step up to life? Are you living the width of your life?
Live my best life: Inspiration, Motivation, Celebration.
I believe I do live my best life although I lack the celebration angle which I would like to incorporate more into my life. For each goal I accomplish from my vision board this year, I will throw a celebration of sorts! Would you like to come?!
Soother w/ the words: Everyday Indulgence & Selfish
I had reaffirmed for me this year in a parenting course I took that every behaviour has meaning. Most behaviours’ meanings are routed in someone trying to get a need of their’s met. This lead to two “aha’s” for me:
1) While we see only the behaviour of the person is displaying, we can often forget that they what they are displaying in really indicative of how they are feeling or how they’ve learned to get a need met in the past. So instead of judging or reacting to that behaviour, we need to simply (ha! ha!), remind ourselves that the behaviour is just that: someone trying to have a need met. I believe in my personal and professional life this serves as a great reminder as I communicate with others on a regular basis.
a) Professionally this is helpful in figuring out how to close a sale & how to help clients move forward.
b) Personally with my children it’s great to keep in mind especially if I realize that behaviours I reward with what they are looking for are going to be behaviours they continue. Are these behaviours I feel as a parent will serve them well in life? Hmm…
2) Another hmm…if other people are displaying behaviours to get needs met, might I perhaps be doing the same thing? Darn it, I am not super human and therefore I fall into this same category :) I too might do things that are deemed as selfish or indulgent to get a need met of mine. I can accept that. But now I want to embrace that.
a) What needs to I have that I want met regardless if I think others will perceive them as selfish?
b) What everyday indulgence do I want to start as part of my routine?
Adventures in Beauty
A work in progress, I am! I’m not sure where my distaste for the colour pink and all things make-up orientated came into play. But I’ve certainly been shifting that with introducing lots of pink into my wardrobe. As well, I’ve even asked for my beautifully gifted make-up wearing friends to make me over (yes Carrie, I believe blue eye shadow was talked about). And this make-over was not just for a night on the town, oh no, it was also for my first half marathon. I looked hot before I started my run :) I plan to continue this shift and to incorporate more bonding with my girlies over make-up and clothes. Yes I just said that :)
Reinventing Ourselves w/ a lady that goes from office to outside deck & says “there is no place like here”
I want to be present whether I’m working hard at the office or hardly working at the ocean. Both places deserve my undivided attention. I have a tendency to feel guilty when I’m doing one or the other thinking that I should be doing the other one. This does not allow me to be focussed.
There is no place like wherever I am in that moment. I will have to consciously breath this in.
Help! (in a different language w/ a boat in the corner)
I need help in different areas of my life. I’ve recognized that. I’ve embraced it. I’ve even started asking for it. Thanks to those of you in my life that have made it uber easy to ask for help.
I chose a different language to symbolize that sometimes people are going to present solutions or offerings of help that I might immediately reject. I want to be open to ‘out of my box’ solutions.
I would like a business mentor.
I would like a financial advisor.
Who do YOU want to be today? Choice = consequence
Best of Both Worlds: Rich or Creamy!
Too Soft/Too Rough: Just Right.
Lose Yourself. Stay up late. Sleep in.
Whatever the cuisine. Always right.
There are so many pictures all together on this one b/c I think it is something I struggle with the most. Making a choice. But not just making it, trusting myself that it is the right one for that moment. Not just trusting in that moment, but following through on it while not second guessing it.
Another thing these pictures symbolize is that I get to choose who I want to be. In running my biz, being a mom, being a partner, being a friend, being a daughter, and the list goes on, sometimes I forget that I am still in control of who I am. To this end, I need to have more structure so that a) my biz streams are centered around particular days and b) there is time alloted for all my roles.
Report on Business: This is not a women’s issue, the companies just happen to be run by women.
When it comes to occupations that focus on people, on communicating, and increasingly on administration, management and advocacy, women rule.
The world’s largest tech company was once small like you.
Embracing my gender while embracing the rise of my business…both send some shock waves of fear through me. I’m not sure at what point along my path that I lost my sense of being a woman and all that entails. I’m not sure at what point I started to have doubts that my biz would be what I know it can be.
This is to affirm that this will happen and it will happen because I’m Amber Scotchburn, Woman and Biz Owner. And through some project planning (as it’s how I work best), the size which I know ASTC can rise to will happen. See Biz Vision Board for details!
Free to be Me w/ Pic of Trump (suit) & Rosie (dominatrix outfit) w/ saying “Hanging up the gloves”
Wow. This is a huge one. I would love for both the children’s father and I to live our own truths while being connected co-parents. I want peace in this relationship. I have absolutely no idea how to do this. I am at a complete loss. Everyday I focus on my blank artist canvas that has the word “believe” leaning up against it that even though I don’t have the answer that I need to believe that with pure and true intent for this to happen that it will.
These words/pictures on my vision board still need to have more succinct SMART goals; however I wanted to get my intentions out there for these areas. First, I am going to focus on my biz vision board SMART goals and then I will come back to these! So stay tuned!
Good Morning! Good Night! Thanks for stopping by!
♥ OHH! AHH! “THE” RELATIONSHIP POSTING ♥
Time for New Beginnings
I left this one for last as it is something I’ve had so much fun with since the spring when I did my last vision board. I dated a lot. I had quite a range of experiences. I found love.
I started out knowing what I didn’t want in a man. The list was no addiction or anger issues, no moodiness, no lack of engagement with children/family, and no one who was anti-social. I asked my children what they wanted. Mar wasn’t really clear! Riv was quite definite: a nice person who did not have mean streaks and a person who had a job. Riv also threw in bald. This was in relation to a friend’s father who is bald and exemplifies what Riv wanted in a father figure.The boys were clear that I was dating but that this would not infringe on their time with me and only if I was serious about somebody that they would meet them.
As I started the process of dating (after 20 years I might add!) with that information in my head, I found myself right away starting out in a relationship just because the person was a “nice guy”. We had no chemistry and yet dated for a month. This was typical of my past patterns in which dating a guy automatically turned into a relationship. Upon discovering that I was following old patterns, I realized that the relationship needed to end. That said, I needed a safe person of the opposite sex with whom to grow and to learn more about myself before I could move on to meet the man of my dreams.This “nice guy” provided me with the space to do that. I am very thankful to him and to the experiences we had!
Through dating this “nice guy” a lot of triggers from past relationships came up. As I got further into the month of dating him, I realized that not only was I going to get a list of things I wanted in a man of my dreams as I dated, but also be able to start shifting myself to be who I wanted to be for this mystery man.
So I started looking at each date through a new lens: what am I going to learn about myself through this process. This was thoroughly enjoyable b/c instead of the focus so much being on the man and were they “the one”, etc. I could put the focus on the experience knowing that no matter who “the” man was, I would be learning about myself. Also, it gives you twice as much to talk about! Because we all know how everybody wants to hear about “everything”! I did not get my nicknames by chance!
This is where the fun really started! There was so much to learn about myself. The one thing I was super clear on was that I was going to be who I was. If that meant I wanted to wear a dress to a casual dinner or jeans to a formal function, I would. It meant that if I wanted to phone the person to tell them five minutes after the left what an awesome time I had, I would. It meant that I was going to share who I was and where I was on my journey, the good, the bad and the ugly! This removed so much of the angst out of dating because really I was just me being me and then seeing what I liked and didn’t like about me in those scenarios. This was maybe a bit unique too as I really took it at face value that this was about the guy being himself and me assessing what I did/didn’t like about him for me, as opposed to just not liking him for him (if that makes sense?!).
Then, it was all of a sudden like a research project! Which if I give you some clues like: I worked in a library so that I could have the longest reference sections on research papers; I maintained an A- average in university b/c I really loved to research; and I was a teacher who had complete lesson plans that included everything so that they could be replicated if I wasn’t there…perhaps that will give you an indication of just how serious I was! I created a chart and off I went. On the chart there was room for the person’s name, their children’s names/ages, their job, any red flags that presented themselves, key info from their profiles, key info from conversations, immediate likes/dislikes, who I was with them, what triggers came up and I think that’s it. I’d have to actually get the chart if you want to know more :) Yes I was a little type “A” about it all!
I also made a conscious choice to date like crazy b/c of course I needed to fill in my chart and have a large sample grouping to figure this all out! I think I had three dates in one day once! Keep in mind I had very limited time to date as I only dated when I did not have my boys.
In being true to myself as well, I changed up my online profile. I decided for my personality to show through and to attract the people that would want somebody with my energy that I should show it. I struggled with how to do that on a static online site. Then I realized that it didn’t need to be static. I could change the profile up everyday if I wanted to. This is what I did. I changed my picture, my profile name, and the content reflective on what I was up to. It then became even more fun as people were following me, even people that I wasn’t dating. I had people come out to try running as I was trying it. I had people exchange book titles and recipes with me. And, yes it served the purpose, I started to attract people that had similar energy and mindsets to me to date.
Wow, did I ever learn about myself and about my list of “wants”! As I dated, I would write in the chart. Everybody was in the know as I’m pretty open so that meant my family, my friends, and even the other guys I was dating would all weigh in with their opinions and own stories of dating and love! There was lots of laughter, tears, and “aha’s” experienced. Okay and maybe some nicknames for the guys; although I’ll never tell!
Most dates I was treated like a princess which continued the fun feeling. The only real concern I had was with the authenticity of how I’d feel meeting someone in person after chatting with them online. With children’s schedules being what they were or people working or living at a distance, meeting somebody in person in a timely fashion could not always happen. This taught me that I really do connect with most people so that I needed more than that to think that anything could be sustained.
I was experiencing all of this and started to get that lonely, hollow feeling. The fun was certainly not what it was anymore. I started to want more. This meant I had to re-assess things because I was certainly dating people that I knew I would not have a future with b/c I had made the conscious choice to date for the sake of fun and to get to know more about myself.
I decided to take one of my children free weekends to not date, not run, not do a million hot yoga classes but to sit with knowledge I had gained through my dating journey. (Have I mentioned that I was also training to run a half marathon? Of which I did two half marathons within three weeks of each other! And that I was doing a hot yoga challenge which was 30 hot yoga classes in 30 days? Of which I did 38 classes or so in 30 days!) I assessed what it is I truly wanted. Yes with a double fist pump, the chart came in handy! I decided to write a list of what I wanted.
Here is that list:
-He has the intention to “be” present & himself in all situations.
-His lens (ie. how he see’s the world) is open to possibilities.
-His current lens includes an understanding of the philosophy behind such books as The Five Languages of Love, The Four Agreements, and The Secret.
The Four Agreements (also see link at side under Recommened Reading)
1) Be Impeccable With Your Word;
2)Don’t Take Anything Personally;
3) Don’t Make Assumptions;
4) Always Do Your Best.
The Five Love Languages (also see link at side under Recommened Reading & Website)
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
-He is attentive in his communication & in seeing what needs to be done without being asked.
-He has soft arms!
-He has a similar financial mindset which encompasses books like Think and Grow Rich and Rich Dad, Poor Dad.
-He can relate to my children and is engaged with his own.
-He enjoys doing physical activity and has a lot of energy.
-He had an array of musical tastes.
-He enjoys physical touch.
-He has and appreciates a sense of humour.
-He is happy “just because”.
-He is inclusive to all areas/aspects of his life.
-He chooses to lead a peaceful lifestyle.
-He is motivated to set an intention of having 1001 First Dates!
-He is “just a boy”.
-He has love to give and is able to receive.
-He has intentions for a positive relationship with his children’s mother.
-His past relationship is finalized, legally and emotionally.
-He likes to entertain.
-He likes to cook.
-He is supportive in my quests.
-He encourages me to be my best.
-He realizes that life is a journey that has specific destinations along the way.
As 10/10/10 (which was my first half marathon that I trained for) approached, those that knew me well asked me what I had in store for 11/10/10. It brought me “the” one I’m falling in love with! He is what I’ve subconsciously dreamed I’d want a man-partner-best friend to be like. And guess what? He had all but one thing from the list, right down to the soft arms.
The Mirror Effect
Interestingly the man of my dreams is almost a male mirror of me. I felt this initially. Friends that knew the two of us, commented on it. And, then friends that heard about him, noted it. “What a powerful couple the two of you will make with your matched energy and positivity.” I have to say that I’m really enjoying this part of our relationship as it allows me to see how others view me, it allows me to offer assistance on areas where I’ve sought help when our particular personality traits don’t get us what we desire, and it makes me fall in love with him and myself more each and every day. Who knew?!
The O List: Anytime, Anyplace
1001 first dates is our motto. We like each and every one of our dates to feel as though it’s the first time. We don’t have a recipe for this, it’s an intent we both have put other there and remind each other of! Ask us in 50 years!
There is another meaning but I’d prefer to share that in person ;)
Perfect in the moments that we are in together. We have this feeling repeatedly and constantly suggest that we both need to be pinched. This feeling comes at the best of times and the worst of times. So through a range of experiences and emotions such as pure joy, conflict, holidays, sadness, sickness, accidents; we are able to find that feeling with each other. I liken it to an energy that just flows.
This comes from this idea that we will talk through everything to get that perfect feeling of flowing energy back. It’s daunting at times and sometimes I feel like saying “I can’t hear you” and want to run away b/c shifting energy and the genuine communication required to do so can be hard. However, so worth it!!!!
Green from Envy
This is something I’m noting about myself. I feel this way when my partner mentions past relationships. I don’t understand where it comes from. Why am I putting this on my board, would I not put the opposite to have that feeling go away? For me, it’s about gaining insight into myself and why I would feel that way. I don’t want to dismiss my feelings and therefore not honour them. It’s something that I don’t want to explore too deeply but I want to note it and see as time goes on, will it grow stronger or lessen and will I be able to pinpoint where it’s coming from inside of me?
Feel the Love hanging from a tree with Bears Hugging and a Heart
I totally feel loved. My partner does this through his physical actions (hence the hugging bears), as well as through his generous nature (hence the heart). While sometimes we hang in the balance of life, we have each other to help us hold on and to ground us. This is a feeling I want to keep alive and remember as our future unfolds. We have both studied and discussed The Five Language of Love. I’m so grateful he hears my love languages and is able to act upon them. I’m grateful that he can articulate what his are and that I’m able to act on them.
Thrilling to give. Thrilling to get.
We both do this for everybody in our lives instinctively. It’s amazing to me to have somebody in my life that does this as reflexively as I do. I believe that this natural instinct that we have is what had formed the love and the feeling of perfection mentioned above. I believe it also helps us b/c we truly are grateful for and to each other for the giving and the getting.
Whale helping penguins across an ice burg.
This one ended up here after I was going to put it in my biz section. I believe it symbolizes our families and the intention to make sure everybody feels safe in crossing over the the “blended” family ice burg. I don’t think I could have chosen a more solid, responsible, giving, caring, and loving person for my boys to aid them through this transition. Thank you my Love.
So to end this particular posting, I’m thankful to the universe for hearing my list and my intention. I’m thankful for the journey’s we had both been on to reach the point we were at. And, I’m thankful to our new beginning together.
Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Good Morning! Good Night! Thanks for stopping by!