Amber Scotchburn's Blog

“We teach most what we need to learn.” HALLELUJAH :)!

We teach most what we need to learn…hallelujah for that insight.

What you might know is that I run a life skills training company called, Amber Scotchburn Training Consultants. What you might not know is that last year I went from running eight different biz streams to two to make my life more balanced. The two I chose to hold onto were:  tutoring and workshop facilitation. Upon further reflection, I decided to build the tutoring stream of biz up. The biz is growing which means that more learners are getting a good solid foundation in numeracy, literacy and life skills and there are more people supported by it, employment wise. With that, I have felt that there was something missing lately, a sense of balance, in my life. I found my appreciation for my surroundings diminished. I’ve had moments where I’ve paused about this what could mean but couldn’t put my finger on it.

I did know that I was not totally present when I was spending time with my children or on my biz as I would feel guilt about taking time away from the other. Okay, so I thought this might have been work-life balance so I began to put this into perspective.

-I run a company where I manage a number of contracts which are all people based. Was I having any “issues” there? No. The clients we attract are all amazing and the tutors exceptional. Could I stand to have more biz come in? Yes and am working on that daily, individually and as a team.

-My children and I have a fantastical relationship. I spend oodles of quality time with them at home, at school, and at extra curricular events.  The c0-parenting relationship their father and I have is on track. They are flourishing in all areas.

So really, I couldn’t figure out what the “issue” was; however I knew there was something.

Also, I was losing faith in the dream of being able to secure my dream body. In reflecting back with the effort I put into it, I realized that there must be something missing within my intention. When you have a firm intention, anything is possible, no matter what the mechanism is. And I was trying a ton of mechanisms and not reaching my goal. Again, I could certainly see the facts here and had no idea of why.

These “issues” took me to pursue a course called the Pursuit of Excellence. This course is an awesome foundation for someone to shift the mindset of taking accountability for their lives so that they can live their best life ever! It was a great refresher! The number of mindsets shifted from the event was incredible. The facilitator dynamic beyond words. I felt at home with that way of thinking and being. I was certainly excited to follow-up with the facilitator about our paths crossing, as well as embrace this new-found group of people who understood the same way of living!

The course to follow-up from this course is entitled, The Wall. I certainly felt like the guilt-lack of balance and the dream body “issues” had some impenetrable walls for me and that I needed help figuring out what they were. So I signed up for The Wall the weekend following the foundational course (which was this past weekend).

Today I am feeling exhausted and I have loads to share. In this moment though I am sitting in the comment that was made over and over this weekend: “We teach most what we need to learn.”

Good night! Good morning! Thanks for stopping in!

“The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.” ~ Sydney J. Harris

The new school year brings with it a mixed bag of feelings & questions for students and parents: Excitement to reconnect with friends! Will my child make new friends? Cool new clothes and school supplies!  Will my child struggle as they did last year? Anticipation of which teacher(s) one gets! Will the teacher like me? And, I’m sure you can add some of your own feelings and questions associated with starting a new school year!

To help reduce that anxiety and replace it with a sense of joyful anticipation of what the school year can bring, I offer the following seven parenting tips for a fantastical school year:

1. Project a positive attitude about school and confidence that your children will experience success and happiness. Communicate to your children through words and body language that you are excited about the new school year and confident they will enjoy it. Children pick up on the messages we send, so make those messages optimistic and hopeful.
2. Establish supportive home routines. The school year calls for renewed attention to home routines, such as those surrounding bedtime, morning, and meals. Children appreciate and thrive on the routines that we parents establish. It gives them comfort and security and better prepares them for the routines and expectations of the school day. One routine consistently correlated with success in school is the family dinner, all family members around the table together—make it a habit as often as possible.
3. Avoid the temptation to make schooling a competitive sport by over-focusing on grades. Our culture is plagued by competitiveness in all areas of life—sports, fashion, looks, talents, wealth, and more. Let’s protect our children’s school experience from this hyper-competitiveness by focusing on their own gifts and talents and avoiding comparisons with others.
4. Remember that homework is a contract between the teacher and the student, not between the teacher and the parent. Somewhere along the way, many parents have come to believe that children are incapable of doing their own homework. This is not good for the child, who needs to learn how to deal with his own responsibilities, or for the parent, whose anxiety level and patience are often strained to the breaking point over homework issues. Homework is the child’s responsibility, not the parents’. (And school personnel need to assist in this area by ensuring that the amount of homework is reasonable and the quality is such that the child is capable of doing it on her own.)
5. Establish family rules related to TV, computer, and video game usage. There is a place for electronic learning (and playing), but every minute in front of a monitor is a minute away from family communication. No one forms a healthy relationship with a monitor; we only form relationships with real people, and home is where those relationships and the life skills surrounding them are born and developed.
6. Make optimum use of parent/child time during trips to and from school. Make travel time between school and home a cell phone-free experience. Think of the message we send our children when our attention is given to others on the way to and from school. And think of the message we give them when we put aside our cell phone and tune into what’s going on in their lives.
7. Avoid the temptation to over-involve your children in after-school activities. Life is getting busier every year for our children, as well as for the parent, usually Mom, whose job it has become to spend late afternoons and evenings as family chauffeur. How many activities our children should participate in is a personal choice, and a key word here is balance—for example, one sport at a time might be a good rule of thumb. If we adults insist on leading harried, distracted, overworked lives, let us at least spare our children that. Children need far fewer activities after school and far more family time with Mom and Dad.

And one more tip for good measure: Take care of yourself. I love the metaphor of the oxygen mask, in the familiar words of the flight attendant: “If you are traveling with a small child, put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then on your child.” We are no help to anyone if we are not taking good care of ourselves. Take care of yourself—physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, relationally, and spiritually. Make it a priority—for your sake, as well as for your children’s.

I would love to hear how your child’s first month of school has went & also let us know at Tutoring…With A Twist, what we can to do help!

Good Night! Good Morning! Thanks for stopping by!

“A year from now, you may wish you had started today.” (Just Sayin…)

My Body By Vi 90 Day Challenge

I have always exercised & that didn’t change after I put on my weight w/ Mar’s pregnancy. In the past 5 yrs, I did every style of boot camp, hot yoga, pilates, ran races, swam, biked, worked out w/ personal trainers & simultaneously trained for & then ran 2 half marathons w/in 2 wks of each other while doing a 30 day hot yoga challenge. I also did cleanses & specific healthy eating programs.

I was holding at a size 14 & felt very defeated. I had a personal trainer ask me if I really thought it was possible to reach my goal. I then went on to do physical testing w/ my doctor, after he too saw my work out efforts & my food diary, to see if I had any medical conditions. He said: “I hate to tell you but you are healthy.”

Assuming there was a mental blockage then, I did individual & workshop type self-help work around releasing the weight. I did hypnotherapy (which was amazing & needs to be shared another time). I still held that size. Enter Kerri Slater who was the personal trainer leading the latest boot camp I was in & part of the racing team I was on.

Slater said: “Have you heard of Body By Vi 90 Day Health Challenge?” She explained the science behind the program & the issues we face with eating healthy these days. I initially shied away from the dreaded ‘autoship’ & the naysayers talking about the ‘pyramid’ scheme of it all. But I realized that was not me saying that, I was listening to others. I entered my first Body By Vi 90 Day Health Challenge.

I did my due diligence & then also signed up as a promoter for the Challenge. It exemplifies everything I believe in relation to how to live one’s life. It is a perfect. I got the Transformation Kit. I got injured in a 10km race & couldn’t exercise for the first 8 weeks of the Challenge. How was I going to release the weight while not exercising & be selling it?! Amber style of course!

90 Days into my first challenge I am in a size 8-10. I feel amazing. I look amazing. And I’ve simply added something to my life, not taken anything away from it.

All of this is why I’m excited about the BBVi 90 Day Health Challenge. It’s been life changing for me as weight for me symbolizes a lot in my life, it’s emotional for me. And that is just my story, I could tell you other amazing stories of life changing moments for many others from athletes to people with diseases, to people doing it to support a loved one. Here I come ripped body in a girly way ! Imagine what kind of Amber style I will bring then !

My company tag line is: Advancing Knowledge & Transforming Lives. Why not take a chance & do my next Challenge with me?! Thanks for reading my story & in retrospect, this should have been a blog entry instead of a facebook status  And so it is…

“We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school.”

“Education is all a matter of building bridges.”

Learn more about the founder of Tutoring…With A Twist:

Amber Scotchburn is the owner and lead consultant of Amber Scotchburn Training Consultants. Ms. Scotchburn’s 12 years of counseling and educating expertise has been established through her creation and implementation of leading-edge Educational & Training programs for students, community members, and educators alike. Combined with her energy, enthusiasm and initiative this has resulted in a solid commitment to building trust-based relationships throughout learning communities.

Amber Scotchburn, has been a career educator for over a decade. For ten years, she was with the Dufferin-Peel Catholic District School Board, responsible for implementing, negotiating, facilitating, developing, and mentoring career education and cooperative education programs province wide.

Ms. Scotchburn’s diverse educational background, including a Bachelor of Social Work & Bachelor of Education, fused with her passion for people has empowered her to be a dedicated leader in developing knowledge and educational methodology. She has demonstrated first-class creativity throughout a decade of innovative curriculum development.

Ms. Scotchburn is a committed continuous learner and will be a ubiquitous presence while she leads the strategy, creation, and execution of all contracts. She has been recognized as talented in her ability to absorb new information and go beyond ‘the box’ in her solution management. As a pro-active consultant, she has innovative and result focused approaches that will make significant contributions to the shared success of the needs and goals of all clients.

Let the Tutoring…With A Twist team help you build some bridges today!

“An education isn’t how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It’s being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don’t.”

Embarking on this new journey of focussing solely on the Tutoring service that ASTC offers has me pretty excited!

Choosing between life coaching and tutoring as a sole focus was a tough decision as my passion runs deep for both education and life skills. Fortunately, Tutoring…With A Twist offers me the opportunity to focus on both simultaneously!

Just a refresher on what Tutoring…With A Twist offers!

Amber Scotchburn Training Consultants offer Tutoring…With A Twist is for those who are looking to improve their skills in English, Math or other school based subjects while simultaneously increasing their chances for success beyond the classroom.

Tutoring…With a Twist

The Twist includes:

• Advancement in core subjects such as English & Math
• Enhancement of Life Skills
• Study Group Format or Online Learning
• Project Based Curriculum
• SMART Approach to Assessment
• Guaranteed Success Beyond the Classroom

I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.

From now on my postings on this blog will be education related.  I will miss this type of blogging, so I will continue in some way, shape or form.  As I mentioned in one of my last postings, a book seems as though it’s on the horizon!

Thank you to all who have been following and who have been letting me know that they feel I’m an inspiration. Those words have certainly aided me in my journey. In this last entry, I wanted to share more about how I became conscious. This consciousness has led me to the understanding that life is actually pretty simple in that I create my life by my choices. It’s been a freeing journey!

I adore the place I’m in right now. It is a place of knowing that I am the co-creator of my life with the universe. Life creates the facts and I create a story about what is real to me about the facts. The story is how I qualify, justify, and explain what I perceive. My story is my creation. In knowing I have that power, why wouldn’t I create it to be a masterpiece of art?! YOU have that power as well!

My transformational process began with what I have coined my “wake-up episode” on Dec. 16, 2008. It was on this day that I acknowledged to myself and to a team of professionals that I was in an abusive relationship. I didn’t value myself enough to realize that it was unhealthy for me, it took me seeing the abuse turned on my kids that made me own up to that fact. I will articulate what I went through in coming to that realization and then in coining it as my “wake-up episode” that transformed my life. It brought me to the conscious state I’m at now, where I feel happy just because and feel the wealthiest I’ve ever been. Have you had a wake up episode? Has it transformed you? Would you consider yourself happy just because? Do you consider yourself wealthy?

I will admit that there have been times along my journey where I felt unhappy and broken. There are mornings I would awake and for a couple mere precious seconds, I’d forgotten what was happening in my life. And then it would hit me, like a stab to the heart. There were some days it took every ounce of strength I had in me to face the day before me. These were days that I had to carefully select my thoughts just as I selected my clothes. It was a new habit to get into and a very powerful one at that! It’s a power YOU can cultivate too! I knew that if I couldn’t master my thoughts that I was in trouble. It was an amazing distinction to fully get that I was in control of my thoughts and that they weren’t in control of me. Do you control your thoughts? If not, who or what is? Think about how you spend your time: do you take time to cultivate your thoughts?

Having went through that broken state of mind was a good thing. Yes because it taught me that I was in control of my thoughts! Also, it gave me insight into what a mental illness felt like and how that dis ease can be turned around. So important to understand that reality is a perception which we create. So as I stated above, YOU can choose to create your’s into a masterpiece!

At this point, I needed some answers for myself as to why I stayed in such a relationship. Why did someone (me!) who had studied the abuse cycle in school and have the training of a professional, stay? What I learned was that every behaviour has a need associated with it. I was getting something out of the relationship or I wouldn’t have stayed. Wow, this felt at the time like another slap in the face as it would have been a lot easier to put the blame elsewhere. Look at places in your life where you are putting the blame on someone else for something that has gone wrong or is going wrong, figure out what you are got out of it or are getting out of it. Be compassionate with yourself and do it from a place of love. Be human!

Ok so I’ve admitted the fact that I willingly chose an abusive relationship to myself, the world, my children, family and new and old friends. I’ve had the children and I screened and it’s been recommended to go for abuse specific therapy and develop a safety plan around not going back to the relationship. I moved five provinces to fulfill both those requirements. My children and I start abuse specific therapy. I, in the meantime, am reconnecting with my old place of work and living in an unhealthy situation that feels as though it’s the only choice. Notice here I was under the illusion that I had no choice. When you do that you give up power. And if you’re not making your choices than who is? I was not fully conscious of this fact in all facets of my life and in giving up that power, there were days I was barely treading water. However, I was living and learning! Where in your life is someone making choices for you? Do you realize that every choice, even the one not to do nothing, is still a choice?

The intense therapy group my older son and I went to provided this amazing place where we both were able to go “blah” and these other incredibly strong and resilient women and children didn’t judge, blame, or condemn us. We all let each other “be”. This is the first time in a long time that I feel safe enough to just be. This is my first conscious experience of testing out the fact that I could “be” while not caring what others would think of me. Where in your life are you able to “be” without truly caring what others think of you?

Initially in the group, because in some ways I felt superior with all my professional training on the subject of abuse, I noted that I searched for an answer to the questions the therapists asked us and double checked it to see if it was the “right” textbook answer. A sure example that knowledge and/or cleverness can get in the way of just being. Where in life do you block out others or yourself because you know better? Or because instead of listening and hearing, you are searching and reacting?

This group also provided the space to learn from each other’s miss takes. As we all were at different points on our separation path. It was the first time where miss takes were taken as facts of what happened and therefore not to be condemned and personalized but to be learned from. Wouldn’t that be cool if we could all come from a place of such love and compassion that people would feel free to share not only their triumphs but their failures as well so that everybody could learn from them?! I truly hope that somebody learns something from my path!

Over this intense group therapy process, I start to learn the reasons why I stayed. Remember: every behaviour has a meaning. So I wanted to know why I stayed to figure what I needed as then I could figure out how to get it in a healthy way. What behaviours are you engaging in that you know are unhealthy or you suspect might be unhealthy or you have been told that they are unhealthy? Now take a deep breath and start to figure out what you are getting out of engaging in those behaviours. Again, be compassionate with yourself.

Want to know what I figured out?!

-I love to love. I thought my love would overcome anything. I thought that the theory I applied to my professional role, which was that all someone needs is one person in their life to show them unconditional love and they will be able to transform, applied to my personal life as well. I don’t want to say I thought I could change the person, but I want to suggest that I thought it was possible through my love. Important for me to be aware of this as I move through life. While I will continue to be the loving person I am, the love superhero cape has been hung up and only comes out on special occasions . Where in your life could your strength also be your weakness? Remember to find a balance and to remember you are human!

-I was brought up to be “the nice girl”. That meant that you did what you were told, what was expected and what was deemed right and thereby, your voice was not really developed, never mind heard. I rarely spoke my mind in issues related to me. I held my thoughts in, even though it was slowly killing me inside. I was scared of being perceived to not be the nice girl. I was scared of what people would think of that. I also never wanted to upset someone. Being in the relationship dynamic I was in, there was also fear attached to speaking my voice. In the end, everyone got hurt though. I suffered greatly in that I lost who I was. I hurt my partner who knew I wasn’t being genuine and felt as though I never loved or trusted in him or us enough. My children were taught that it was ok to be bullied and not speak up. And in the end, it all ended up going to hell anyway . Where in your life are you not doing something because it might upset someone? In doing that, is it helping anyone? Is it changing the person or the situation?

Once I learned that I had to take responsibility for not defending myself, I engaged in the “what if” game. I’ve since realized that the “what if” game is not conducive to things that are in your past or your future, because all you have is now. Where in your life do you play the “what if” game? Next time you find yourself saying that, remember to be conscious of where you are at!

-I wanted to be with the father of my children. I didn’t want to be labelled “one of them”–be that a divorce, single mom or abused woman statistic. Oops, admitting that I had judgements about other’s which really meant that I had those judgements about myself. Where in your life do you not consider an option or even see an option because of labelling and judgements?

-I didn’t want my children to have another mother. I will admit that this still gives me pause but I breathe through it. I have no control over this even if I did stay in that relationship. And, I’ve been very lucky in my life to have “other Mom’s” so really how hypocritical am I being?! Somebody may need to remind me of this though when that time comes for my children! See, even someone as far along on their journey as I am ( ) still has their moments! Where are you trying to control things that you cannot? Once you realize this you essentially have three choices: change it, accept it or leave it.

-As my immediate family was not the intact family unit that I had growing up, I wanted to provide an intact family unit to my kids. Here I was allowing my past to dictate my present and my future. Do you do this anywhere in your life?

-I embraced the it’s “us” (my partner and I) versus “the world” mentality. I felt like we were on a team and therefore I had to defend my team and stay true to this! First off I realize that mentality is unhealthy in and of itself. Why do we have to pit people against one another in an “us” versus “them” way? It’s bound to lead to unhealthy choices. And, furthermore, I got lost in the team. So how true of  team was it?! Where might competitive type thoughts dictate your actions and make your choices for you? Are you on any teams where you feel swallowed up by them as opposed to part of them?

-And, drum roll please, I was only human. I did the best I could at that moment in time. No more. No less. When putting it that simplistically, it gave me great peace. Any places in your life where you try to be sub-human?! Maybe give it a break and see how that works for you!

-And the most important thing I started to understand for myself was that I wasn’t defined by this. It was a part of my past which brought me to my today and that was it. I could let go of the guilt of not feeling as though I had enough love to heal my partner. I could let go of the guilt of not giving my children the storybook perfect life. I could be a statistic three times over and still be proud and happy! I could want love and family and seek healthy ways to find them. I could speak and be valued. I could start fresh from that realization moment forward and just be me

Oh darn, I had to then figure out who this “me” was?! I had buried me for so long that I couldn’t answer what my favourite colour was or what type of movie genre I liked most. I had run away from my reality so much that I was caught in the trap of the “what I had and what I could have had and what I want to have”.  First step, I had to start being present in the moments I was in and start realizing how I reacted to certain things. For example, to determine what might be a favourite colour of mine: I had to be conscious of colours around me and how I reacted to them. Very basic and exactly the right spot for me to start at. If you want to start being more conscious, start here! Do you notice certain smells that capture your attention? Do you notice certain beats of music get your feet moving? Are you able to be present in even the most tense of moments and ground yourself by wiggling your toes?!

Have you ever noticed, the more you get to know a person, the more attractive they become to you?! Because everything beautiful you see on the inside of them, radiates through to the outside of them?! I’m slowly getting to that point with me. Two steps forward, one step back I like to say! If you have body image life skills exercises, send them my way please and thank you!

My then partner mirrored for me what I truly at the core thought about myself. They say that our greatest teachers are often the people who hurt us the most. I didn’t have much self-love. I was insecure. I had fears around being who I was. But the saddest part for me was that I had no idea of that. I walked around for thirty odd years thinking everything was okay!

And yet, in retrospect it was. That was my path as this is now my path. It’s never too late or too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit…start whenever you want…you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of anything and everything that happens to us. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again….I did . The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are!

I also hope you speak up. Don’t ever be scared to say what’s on your mind. There has to be an outlet somewhere. Don’t keep it inside because sooner or later it’s going to come out and it might be in an unhealthy way. Also, it saves you a lot of time as you don’t have to have those conversations in your head where you play out what the other person is going to say and then you respond and have a whole conversation with that person but in your head! Admit it, we’ve all done it!!! One of the neatest things I’ve learned is that it takes much less energy to have the conversation with the person then it does to have it with the person in my head and then actually with them in person too! Also, in my new-found wisdom, not everyone has to like me. I mean why wouldn’t you, but you don’t have to!!! Do you ever have conversations in your head with the person you want to speak to about something? Do you think those thoughts put undue expectations on yourself or the other person?

I grieved the relationship too which not a lot of people understood. This took time and patience with myself because there were days that I didn’t understand my grief either. This is a perfect example of when “just being” again comes in quite handy. So I would sit in the grief and let the tears wash over me. I cried for the person who felt her love was not enough, the person that felt they didn’t have a voice, the person who at times had wanted to cry but instead put a happy face on for the sake of appearances, and the person that actually had some anger in them but never knew how to express it. My advice here: cucumbers work great in these situations!! And, feel. Be in the moment you are in and feel it! Don’t sit it in for too long as you don’t want to get pruney but certainly take the time to process it!

And on the other side of the coin, I had people suggesting that staying in the relationship would have been the right thing to do. How could I fault these people when I had those same thoughts for years?! I learned for myself that letting go is something I had to do when even though I still felt love, I just don’t believe in him or us anymore. Sometimes you have to let go. You will know when it’s right for you.

Then, I had to deal with the “I’m single” label! Interesting as all of a sudden, couples don’t invite me to do stuff. I was put in the “singles” category.  Even though my partner didn’t attend functions with me up to that point, it was still okay to invite me as I was in a couple relationship???!!! So I had to reframe this for myself. Instead of “I’m single”, as that sounded like I was disappointed with myself and like I was suggesting that I was alone and/or I didn’t have anybody to love, I changed it to “I’m free”. “I’m free” captured more of the essence of how I felt. Where have you freed yourself?!

I also had to learn to be alone without being lonely. And if you want to see how that all turned out for me, you have to scroll back into my relationship posting

Fast forward to now after many more “aha” moments that have brought me to this moment! When I look in the mirror, I see a girl who’s been through so much and yet, she still finds a way to smile at the past. She still loves with all her heart! And when you see her walking, I can guarantee you she’ll have her head up high. She is still learning to love herself in the same way she loves others and in the way others love her. My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style! What’s your personal mission?

I believe we write our own stories and each time we think we know the end, we don’t. Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and the peace that comes from knowing that you just can’t know it all. You know, life’s funny that way. Once you let go of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, as well as the control and the being all-knowing, you might end up right where you belong! Remember every new beginning is some beginning’s end. Welcome to wherever you are! This is your life; you’ve made it this far.

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark.  Do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours…

Good night! Good morning! Thanks for stopping by!

“Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek but a means by which we arrive at that goal.”

Ahhh…the elusive goal of peace for which we all strive.

Ohhh…the book, ‘The Tao of Pooh” that tells you how to attain it!

And guess what?! It’s very simple. Just be.

Think back to when you were a kid before you had the “everything that might go wrong” or the “everything that has gone wrong” files! You just did! Think back to the pure joy and freedom that came along with doing what you were doing. It’s a beautiful thing when kids ride their bike into the tree, a parked car, a fire hydrant, and/or a hydro box as they are learning. It’s a process. Nobody tells them they are wrong, dumb or can’t do it. Instead they are encouraged to keep doing and being as they are to learn from their miss takes (not mistakes)! And then the moment that they ride without any hands holding them, the pure exhilaration is fantastical!

Approach the things that you need to do in life with a simple childhood mysterious nature! Expect to fall, bang into things, get frustrated and have to do it again. Get people around you that will cheer for you, as opposed to telling you that you can’t do it. Get people around  you that will offer you a hand or automatically reach their’s out, as opposed to push you down. Put your own protective gear on to lessen some of the hurts of the falls and bangs, instead of completely relying on others. What miss take are you going to take on today?! Who are you going to invite to be with you on that path?!

Ok, that was totally an Amber”ism”! However in the book it does suggest that you view mistakes as what your imagination creates as opposed to what it actually happening. So in the above example, the fact is that you are doing the act of riding your bike and you are falling off. So next time, do something different to not fall off. That painting the act of falling off like a mistake, is really our perception of something gone wrong as opposed to what actually is.

Also that as we age, we attain more knowledge which makes us feel more clever…both knowledge and cleverness can be dangerous things when they used to take us out of the moment we are in. For instance if a bird is singing, a mind stuffed with knowledge might not hear it. A clever mind might start racking their brain for what type of bird it is instead of being able to just listen to it. There is a saying: “To attain knowledge, add things everyday. To attain wisdom, remove things everyday.” By adding all this information to our being’s, we become disengaged with every day moments. We add tenseness, awkwardness and confusion to those moments. We add to our files of “everything that can and has gone wrong”. We may want to change things as we now know what is right. We may want to change everyone because we are so clever. Hmm…sound like you at any point in your life or anyone you know?! How has that worked for you, trying to change someone? How does it work for you when someone does it to you?!

Also, and very important, is that we begin to not even hear our own inner nature’s guiding us. As a person who lost the ability to feel their gut feelings, this one is very important. Our gut instincts guide us and know what is best for us. Trust this as you are trusting yourself. To get to this point you have to love yourself and get to know yourself. Things I’m still working on

I was brought up in Catholic surroundings: family, friends, church, ceremonies, school, the whole works. A religious way of thinking is discussed in the book and made so much sense to me. Basically the thought process behind religion is that they think the present is out of step with the past and therefore, create man-made rituals to make it right. We see yet another example of where knowledge and cleverness interfere with our natural state of being. It’s as though heaven and the universe are pitted against one another. No wonder I’ve had such a hard time just being! The simplicity of this explanation is beautiful to me. I love the freedom that has come with realizing that religion comes from this place.

Another important facet that the book speaks to is that humanity is unappreciative of what is in the moment as we are conditioned to have attachments to things in the past and desires for things in the future. This can keep someone in a revolving world of pain if one does not realize it. If stuck in the past, you will not be able to enjoy the moment you’re in or potentially even see a future. If you are always waiting for life to happen or for the next phase of it to be attained, what is the point?! Is there something you are fixated on from the past? Is their someone you are fixated on from the past? Are you holding off on life waiting for something amazing to happen? Do you race through your life-like a maniac working like a lunatic to get a reward that will come to you at 65, if all goes according to plan!?

Taoism instead invites you to see heaven and earth as equally desirable places. Therefore to have the same laws in both places. To view the world we are in every day as a place to learn and be as opposed to an evil place full of traps, diseases and general badness.

Realize that wisdom, happiness and courage come from within. They will not be found by desiring something you once had or will have one day.

Good Night! Good Morning! Thanks for stopping by!

ps=My next posting will be my last one (for now) as a life coach on this blog. My postings will start to be focussed on the Tutoring end of my biz.

How to be Calm & Happy in any Circumstance :)

I finished reading the Tao of Pooh. It’s whole premise is to explain the Taoist way of thinking set to Winnie the Pooh characters. Great, easy read. It succinctly sums up my thoughts on life and the state of being I am striving towards. Hope you enjoy my summary and reflections on it!

On a side note, I have made the decision to fully focus on the Tutoring end of ASTC. This is a 6 month-1 year committment I am making solely to that. I am going to treat Tutorng…With A Twist as though it’s my new baby! Wish me luck with the diaper changes and sleepless nights! I am actually quite excited!

I am unsure what that means in terms of my life skills blogging. I will continue the exercises, research and exploration but if I continue publishing, it will be on a separate blog, as I will have one blog dedicated solely to the Tutoring end of things. I will still be doing life skills exercises and perhaps even be writing a book for when I re-launch the life coaching end of things.

That was an update from what is happening in my life, now on to “How to be Calm & Happy in any Circumstance”!

First, let’s look at life as some of the main characters in Pooh:

Eeyore complains a lot. This way of being has one thinking the worst is always going to happen.

Rabbit is clever. This way of being tends to make situations seem more complex than they actually are. May make someone think they are superiour and have a need to be the person in charge.

Owl is knowledgeable. This way of being makes someone arrogant and therefore blind to their own limitations which can make one ineffective.

Panicky Piglet who’s anxiety makes decision making impossible.

Pooh is. This way of being has one able to be calm and happy in any circumstance.

Which character are you? Are you able to see circumstances and situations where you fluctuate between the characters? Are you happy in being a character other than Pooh? Why is it easier for you to be more ‘Pooh-like’ in some situations and more Eeyore like in others? Start to answer these questions for yourself!

Secondly, the book explains how to deal with even the toughest situations in a ‘Pooh-like’ way  by a quote: “flow like water and reflect like a mirror”. I heart this quote. When dealing with a person for instance that’s nature is the opposite to your’s, the way of being is to deal with them just as if you were dealing with someone who was saying exactly what you want to hear. So calm, even, and flowing like water. I use  this strategy with my youngest son who can get fiery quite quickly. And it works almost every time! And we even end up laughing! When it doesn’t work, I reflect like a mirror but instead of reflecting anger with anger. I reflect anger with humour. Just as you wouldn’t fight fire with fire, you’d use water, it’s the same principle. I’ve been doing this with my youngest for a while, simply because I didn’t know how else to deal with it. Anger is so opposite to my being that I had to learn to first flow and then I had to learn to reflect it in a way that would benefit us all! Another way to reflect is to simply state the way the person is feeling back to them, not taking responsibility for their feelings but in acknowledgement of them. Important to remember you are not responsible for another’s feelings; however to acknowledge them is a loving act of compassion!

I must get on with my day, more tales of Pooh later!

Good night! Good morning! Thanks for stopping by!

“If it weren’t for my mind, my meditation would be excellent.”

LOL…that quote makes me smile!

So I’ve been asked why I used quotes so much, I think some even like to make fun of me (no names mentioned ) but at least they are reading!

I use quotes for a variety of reasons!

Quotes articulate a thought very succinctly. I don’t have to think of the perfect way to say something because somebody else already has! Perhaps when I devote my life to life coaching, then there will be some Amber Scotchburn originals! But in the meantime, I will not reinvent the wheel!

I also love that quote make me feel as though somebody else, the author of the quote, “gets it”. I don’t have to have every met them, yet I feel as though they have experienced something similar and had the same conclusion I did! And when these are world famous people working in the trade I want to, it feels pretty cool that they get it along side me!

As well, the quotes from people from a long time ago, always makes me pause, as really do things change that much?!

Lastly, quotes help me feel love, make me smile and laugh, and guide me through all sorts of other moments & emotions

Good Morning! Good Evening! Thanks for stopping by!